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Adam & Eve Toys; Get Into the Fun!!!
Love & Marriage Reading List If you're like us you probably like to read every so often. Here are some good books by Michael Webb, the guy that Oprah adores. When we find more good marriage and relationship books we'll put them here. If you click on the book title the link will open in a new window...enjoy!!!
Books From Oprah Expert, Michael Webb
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Everyone likes to go on trips and do activities as a family. It is usually fun and builds strong family memories. Although this is very important we must also realize that good parenting depends on building strong bonds with each individual child as well. This not only establishes trust but it also creates unbreakable bonds between a parent and their child. The key first step is trying to figure out what each child likes to do with you.
Every child has their thing that they love to do with you and a parent can usually tell what it is just by watching what happens when you try to do that activity with them and the other children (or spouse) want in too. Usually it turns into a fit of some sort. Now if you have an only child figuring this all out may be easier. Before we started having kids year after year, I pretty much new what our child like to do with me and which activities he liked to do with my spouse. Of course as your children grow older their activities evolve, but take solace in the fact that there is always something that your child likes to do with just you…after all, it’s your time together. Just remember, try and get them at an early age because then when they start growing they will progress to other activities with you naturally and they won’t feel uncomfortable or ‘weird’ about doing things with you like teenagers tend to feel and act.
As important as it is for you to find something you and your child can relate too is the importance of having a spouse that doesn’t get jealous or snippy about it. It is bad enough to have other children biding for time, we definitely don’t need our spouse upset about leaving them out of something. Your spouse must be made aware of the significance of individual activities and time with each child. I’m sure in the reasoning process an example or two can be brought up of how they have their time as well, even if they don’t realize it yet.
The main point of this is to not only find time for your children, but to find time for each individual child. In today’s hustle and bustle world we tend to glob everyone and everything together; this is not always a good thing. If you take the time to build individual bonds you will find that you will have a stronger love, respect and mutual admiration for each other for the rest of your lives.
On the heels of our ‘Dating Your Spouse’ article I would now like to talk about another important time management point for married and partnered couples. And that is, having time set aside for what YOU want to do. For example, my wife works out for an hour with her friends at the gym every Monday and soon to be every Wednesday. I’m looking into getting into a golf league once a week and also about once a month I spend time at a watering hole with ‘the boys’. During this time the spouse that stays home makes all the dinner, does the clean up and bedtimes and basically handles all the chores that are otherwise shared or handled by your spouse. This will not only make your spouse happy but it will make you realize all of the little things that get done without your help. This helps to create an additional appreciation for your spouse which in turn creates a healthier marriage.
Now why is having special time with your friends all that important? I’m not a psychologist but I’d have to think that it’s very significant that we all realize that there is life outside of our families and relationships. As a society we must come to the realization that it is okay for us to let our hair down and have fun with our friends without the worry and guilt of what going on at home. We must appreciate that as much as we want our spouse to spend time at home and work around the house that it will be a much better atmosphere if we can rid ourselves of the constant stuffiness of thinking that we have to be at home all the time. Of course our family comes first and foremost, but if we don’t take care of our own needs from time to time the stress and rigor of life will cause discontent, regret and perhaps and early demise.
We all need our freedoms, no matter how short and/or small they may seem. We all need a release and a time away from our family, plus I think that this time away helps us think of what we have waiting for us at home and how much they mean to us. Do yourself a favor and find a hobby or something fun to do. I suggest doing it with other adults but if you prefer solo time than that is okay too. Here’s one caveat, do NOT make your alone time a place that your family can walk to like a shed, detached garage, barn, etc. It’s important to get away so that there is no chance that your special time gets interrupted and that it remains intact. Also, make sure you understand that your spouse needs this time as well and not just you because you think that you work harder or that you need it more. This personal time will help keep your relationship strong and fresh and stop it from getting into a rut in the first place. After all, absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?
One of the biggest questions about marriage is “How do we keep things fresh so we don’t get bored with each other?” My answer to this is, go out on a date!!! I’m not talking about a nice evening at Chucky Cheeses with the kids; I’m talking about a real date with flowers, wine and heck, maybe even a limo from time to time. Now this would be a big date but in between big dates we need to go on a series of small dates. This would entail getting a sitter for the kid(s) and going out to the movies, dinner, a few drinks at the local pub or just going for a nice bike ride to places that you normally don’t go. The one thing about having children is that it’s very easy to get stuck into a routine and not do anything for each other because you don’t think you have the time. And if you find the time then you don’t have the energy. Well not having the time or energy is a poor excuse for not keeping a marriage fresh and fun.
From a personal perspective I can tell you that I have four children under seven years old and I am the only salary employee in the house. In other words, we live paycheck to paycheck. What makes our marriage a good one is that we find time for each other. We don’t go out on dates all the time, sometimes it’s only once in a month but we both look forward to that time together because we plan it ahead of time and stick to it. At times we do get to go out alone together more often and we are currently working on that prospect but we are taking it slow for now and not promising ourselves too much. Basically, we want to keep it fresh and doable. We can always tell when we need a date, things just get a little too tense in the house over the smallest of things.
For those of you that have family nearby (that’s not our situation) you have even better, and cheaper, options. Not only can you save money on a few hours going out but now you can graduate to going out for dinner and having a romantic evening in a nice hotel. Once you get really into this dating theme and realize how much better it makes your relationship, you’ll soon find yourselves taking short weekend trips and creating many lasting memories and laughs together. Remember, find the time for each other, go to different places and talk/laugh a lot together when you’re out. Your affection for each other is contagious and will help to carry both of you through until the next date together.
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